Testosterone Night

A lot of men seem to think that wine is, inherently, a sissy drink. There’s something about the smell, the taste, the dainty glasses, and the pretentiousness…really everything that goes along with wine…that makes most men scoff at the idea of drinking wine. I’ll be honest, I’m often too embarrassed to order wine at a bar, myself. I look over the wine list and wonder if it’s manlier to go with the Cabernet or the Shiraz, wondering which one would pair well with my hot wings, and end up settling on a Miller Light.

I set out this past Sunday with one goal in mind – to have a red-blooded kind of day while drinking nothing but wine. And why not? The Romans drank wine while conquering most of the current EU, the Middle East, North Africa, and the Mediterranean. The Vikings drank wine (you call it mead but let’s be honest – it’s honey wine. Honey. Wine.) while raping and pillaging and what’s manlier than that?

The Roman Empire: Brought to you by wine.

My boy G and I started the day by marinating a steak. We mixed together some shallots, soy sauce, hot sauce, and spices and poured it over two pounds of beef. And, while it was marinating, we went to see Rambo.

You know what else is red like wine? Blood.

What a perfectly violent movie. It wasn’t enough to just be violent - its take-home message is, “Helping people will only result in you fucking shit up even more.” Another important message from the movie is, “Jesus won’t save your life – but this fucking rock will.” I can’t think of a better way to get the blood pumping than watching 90 minutes of pure carnage.

After the movie we went back to my place to broil the steaks. We fried up some onions and potato slices as a side and served it all up with a bottle of Da Vinci 2005 Chianti. The Chianti paired perfectly with the steak, and the entire meal paired perfectly with the four straight hours of American Gladiators we watched.

Beef, potatoes, and chianti. That's a Sunday, right there.

A little bit about Chianti: I love Chianti, as you may be able to tell from the Drunken Wine Critic #2. I really love any sangiovese-based wine but Chianti, in particular, is simply fantastic. The beauty of Chianti is that you really don’t need to spend more than $10 on a bottle. As long as it has the DOC-controlled pink label on it, it is guaranteed to be predominantly sangiovese grown in the Chianti region of Tuscany. Unless you are a serious wine aficionado you’ll get the same enjoyment from an $8 bottle of Chianti as you will from a $50 one. If you want to splurge a bit more on a riserva than please go for it – the smell and taste tend to be much more complex – but you can even get a good riserva for $12-$18. If you want to splurge on a Super Tuscan more power to you and please invite me to your next dinner party. Chianti is one of those wines that you can feel confident buying as long as it has a DOC tag. The bottle of Da Vinci we had cost $9 at Costco.

A little bit about American Gladiators. It is a fun show to watch in a group, but embarrassing to watch alone. That’s the reason I had four episodes on the Tivo. But we plowed through the backlog, cheering for our favorites every step of the way.

I want to hang a poster of Crush in the bedroom but Robin won't let me.

As the night went on more friends came over and the bottle of Chianti was not going to sustain us. We popped open a bottle of Bellafontaine’s Terret Sauvignon 2006. Predominantly Sauvignon Blanc, this $12 bottle was fantastic. Apples on the nose and an easy finish – everyone present enjoyed this one.

Fact: Your girlfriend will likely drink white wine quicker than red wine.

We also popped open a bottle of Cantina Zaccagnini il Bianco di Ciccio. Cantina Zaccagnini also made the Montepulciano I had in the Drunken Wine Critic #1. This one had a pretty boring nose and a bitter finish, I wasn’t that big of a fan, honestly, and the fact that it costs $16 means that I’ll likely never buy it again.

You have to love the design - next time I'll admire it while it's on the shelf.

There were two more bottles present that night. Cantina Zaccagnini Montepulciano d’Abruzzo 2003 Riserva, the wine I reviewed in the Drunken Wine Critic #1, and some left over Torre Dei Gesuiti 2006 Primitivo Puglia. I imagine everyone enjoyed those bottles but, at this point, we would have enjoyed a boxed-wine just as much.

Anyway…friends, Rambo, steak, five bottles of wine, and American Gladiators makes for a great evening.